Faye's New Secret
by Julia Spiegel
Summary: What's Faye up to now? A new man? Read to find out!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own anything! (dammit)  
  
I know this fanfic kinda sucks -_-'  
  
This takes place a little after Toys in the Attic.  
  
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centerbFaye's New Secretb/center  
  
It was another boring and quiet night on the Bebop - Jet was trimming his Bonsais, Ed was dancing around singing nonsense with Ein walking beside her, Spike was walking around with a cigarette in his mouth and humming a happy song. Happy? Very unusual...anyway, what was Faye doing?  
  
"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!", yelled Jet. Unsurprisingly, Ed wanted to help him, so she decided to take out a hose and spray water all over his trees, while he was trimming one, the cold sensation of the water surprised him and *SNIP* an entire branch fell down onto the floor.  
  
"Ooops, Ed did something bad!". And off she danced away as if nothing had happened. Jet sighed and started to clean up the mess Ed had left.  
  
Spike came in and asked, "What happened here? Oh yeah, never mind....obviously......". He also walked away continuing to hum the strange happy song as before.  
  
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As Ed was twirling around and around like an insane lunatic in front of Faye's door, she abrubtly stopped as if someone used an ice blaster at her. Strange and loud, moaning noises came from Faye's room.  
  
"What is it that Ed is hearing, Ein?". And the dog just barked.  
  
She put her ear up against the wall, to get a better hearing of what the sound was. She started to wrinkle her face in odd positions, like she was uncomfortable or had some kind of problem. Or shall I just say she was just very curious.  
  
"AAHH!". Ed heard Faye scream, then some even stranger noises came after. She heard another scream, but from a guy? Suddenly she started to get bad ideas of what's going on in there. She then made the most disgruntled face ever and exclaimed "Ed don't feel so good!". And collapsed on the floor, with spiral eyes on her face. Ein then also put his ear onto the door and too heard the discomforting noises and cries. In just a few seconds he was running away looking panicked and barking, like he was going to warn someone.  
  
A few minutes later Spike came by, still smoking and humming. He saw Ed with that look on her face still on the floor. So he went up to the door to see what was going on but heard moaning and nasty sounds too.  
  
"AAAHH don't stop!" he heard Faye.  
  
"Ulgh, don't wanna know what's going on in there." Spike said. As he was walking away he froze suddenly, and had a flashback about Julia and the cigarette in his mouth popped out. He started to miss her dearly again, after what he heard through Faye's door. But then got curious and went back to the door and put his ear to it. Soon he started to get the same reaction Ed did, but was still curious.  
  
Ed got up, eyes still looking spiraly and dizzy, but looking straight at Spike who was also looking at her with a confused expression.  
  
"Ed, do you know what's going on in there?", Spike asked.  
  
"Ed thinks she knows! Ed don't think she knows! Ed don't think she thinks she knows!" Spike sighed and they broke the staring and listened up to the door again, this time Ein joined too. They all had funny, confused, curious looks on their faces.  
  
When Jet was done caring for his Bonsais he wondered where everyone was, it was so quiet and no one was around. Where are they? He thought he would hear Ed whizzing around like a maniac or Ein barking or a giant cloud of smoke coming from Spike or Faye's ongoing insults about well, everyone. But this moment of silence was very rare if everyone's still aboard the ship. So he decided to go look for them.  
  
When he got to the hallway where the bedrooms were, he saw everyone except Faye with their ears up against her door with curious looks on their faces.  
  
"What are you all doing?" he questioned. No answer, they were still listening through the door.  
  
"Hey, what's wrong? And where's Faye?" Jet sighed and said, "She's probably at a casino or something..."  
  
"Nope, listen." Spike said, and pointed his finger at the door. Jet did what he told him to do.  
  
"Ulgh, you perverts! What the fuck is Faye up to now? How long have you been here?" Jet exclaimed.  
  
"Ed and Ein were here first, then Spike-person came then you, Mr. Baldy!" Ed said.  
  
Spike laughed, and added, "I should've made that name up sooner!", and continued in his laughter.  
  
Jet turned beet red, as if steam was going to blow out of his ears. "EDWARD!! YOU TAKE THAT BACK! AT LEAST I'M NOT A NOODLE WHO TRIES TO DO EXOTIC DANCING!"  
  
"Hey, chill, it's not like we're gonna call you that forever!" Spike laughed. "Mr. Baldy!" Then both him and Ed fell on the floor, clutching their abs because all the laughing started to hurt.  
  
Jet turned even redder with an even angrier look on his face and stormed away.  
  
*CRASH!!* Spike and Ed stopped their laughter and again put their ears up to Faye's door. But it wasn't any scream or loud moan, but sounded like liquor bottles being knocked off a table and shattering. But seconds later extremely loud screams and moans started up again.  
  
"Eww! Ed don't think she can take this anymore!!" She covered up her ears and started to run in a strange way down the hallway, to who knows where. Ein followed behind her.  
  
Spike lit up another cigarette, and he too decided to leave, and bug Faye later if she ever comes out. He started to walk away, but then wondered, "How'd she get the guy into the ship? Who IS the guy?" Hell, he thought, she's probably extremely drunk or something. He continued walking away, putting that thought aside and started to think about Julia, a much more pleasant thought.  
  
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It was even later into the night, and Ed, Ein, Jet, and Spike were asleep in their rooms. Well, that's what Jet thought. He was too tired and sleepy, and continued to sleep.  
  
Since Ed was very curious, she went to Faye's door and was indeed listening through it again. But this time she backed away in the darkness, only a very dim light that could be seen yards away, in case Faye came out. She was about to fall back asleep, but then heard the door creak open slowly, Faye (all dressed, thank God, but not as orderly as usual) peeked out, hoping no one was out there.  
  
"Ok, all clear." She told a guy behind her. She kissed the guy passionately and pushed him away, then went back into her room and shut the door. The guy ran swiftly, toward Ed.  
  
A sweat drop dripped down on Ed's forehead, but she didn't worry, she was safe, against the wall so the guy won't trip on them. She followed the guy all the way to the door leading to the outside of the ship.  
  
"Halt, who goes there!!" Ed cried to the guy. He turned around............it was.......  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...................  
  
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Please please please review! This is my first story-like fanfic, so please no flames! ^_^  
  
Hopefully, I can think of who the mystery guy is, if you have any suggestions, type it in your review! ^_^ 


	2. Faye's New Secret Part II

Disclaimer: DO YOU THINK I OWN ANYTHING? Now shoo you pesky lawyers!  
  
I've read all your reviews, and this is the guy that was voted most:  
  
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Faye's New Secret Part II  
  
  
  
Ed screamed "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH FREAKY SCARY GUY!!!!!! Ahhhh you look like grandpa!!" Loud enough for the whole ship to hear, and shattering a half empty beer bottle Spike had left on the table earlier.  
  
*drumroll*  
  
Vicious cringed and covered his ears.  
  
"Who are YOU?" He exclaimed, trying to say it loud enough over her scream so she could hear him.  
  
Ed saw the katana on Vicious' belt and the Red Dragon Syndicate suit he was wearing, and knew that this guy had something to do with Spike.  
  
She suddenly pounced on Vicious' back and started knawing on him like a mad dog and even growled like a dog.  
  
Vicious yelped out loud, trying to pry off the dog-like Edward off of his brand new suit.......and praying that no teeth holes were torn into it. He then was running around the living room and trying to pull her off. But no luck, she was stuck to him like a fly to a piece of fly paper.  
  
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A few minutes earlier, when Ed first screamed at Vicious, Ein heard and immediately got up. He went to the living room and saw Vicious, but not Ed yet. As fast as a bolt of lightning he then ran and ran around the hall of bedrooms and barked as loud as he could, hoping the lazy Bebop crew would get out of their beds and notice that there was an intruder on the ship.  
  
Faye opened her door, and scolded, "WILL YOU SHUT UP YOU STUPID DOG!" But unfortunately slammed her door shut and went back into her room.  
  
Jet came out of his room, eyes almost open, and turned on the lights.  
  
"Ein, what's gotten into you?" he asked.  
  
The panicked dog continued barking and pointed with his nose towards the living room.  
  
"Huh? Ok.........wonder what's there........."Jet headed for the living room tiredly.  
  
Ein was still barking loudly, and lastly Spike came out of his room. With eyes so barely open they don't even look like they're open.  
  
"Wha......? Wh-what's going on?" The lights blinded him badly, and he walked to the other side of the hallway, not noticing as he walked straight into the wall.  
  
"OW!" Finally he opened his eyes and asked Ein, "What's wrong?" The dog ran to the living room, Spike following.  
  
Faye came out also, a second later. She looked very sleepy, yet very annoyed also. She saw all the bedroom doors opened, and heard noises coming from down the hall in the living room.  
  
"What the hell is everyone doing at this time of the night?" And walked towards the noise.  
  
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Jet stood frozen, eyes wide open at the running Vicious and the knawing and growling Ed that was stuck on him.  
  
Spike came in with Ein still barking.  
  
"VICIOUS!!!" Spike yelled.  
  
"SPIKE!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!?!" Vicious screamed, still trying to get Ed off.  
  
Spike took out his gun (from who knows where) and cried, "Ed! Watch out!" and aimed at Vicious, then shot.....  
  
It missed, Vicious was running around way too fast and confused the sleepy and half-blinded Spike. He tried to aim again, but the lights were just way too bright, and threw his gun down onto the floor and ran to Vicious, to beat the crap out of him of course!  
  
Faye arrived, and froze in shock at the strange scene in front of her, just like Jet, who still is staring at Vicious, Spike, and Ed.  
  
Spike at last pried Ed off, and now he and Vicious were rolling on the floor choking each other and arguing.  
  
"You BITCH! NEVER trespass MY ship, and trying to steal MY Julia, and FUCKING with FAYE, and make the WHOLE crew listen through the door, and drinking the rest of MY beer!!!" Spike said as he was coughing in Vicious' hands.  
  
"You MOTHER FUCKER!! NEVER have an affair with MY Julia behind MY back, and thinking I'm GAY with GREN, and SHOOTING me at CHURCH, and LIVING with FAYE and these FREAKS, and having such BIG hair and not letting me see anything cuz it's in MY WAY!" Vicious said as he was coughing in Spike's hands.  
  
"HEY! My hair is pure style! Unlike your old-man white freaky scary guy hair--algh!" Vicious choked him harder because of the insult.  
  
"YOU'RE GONNA PAY!!" Vicious screamed.  
  
"At least I'm no old geaser/faget!!"  
  
"I've had enough of you and your immature words!" Vicious exclaimed and then kicked Spike in the balls.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH YOU PERVERT!!" Spike cried like a baby. XD  
  
Faye fell down dying of laughter.  
  
Ed was on the floor dizzy like a banana peel.  
  
Jet had gone back into his room, he knew nothing bad would happen. He fell asleep and collapsed snoring on the floor right after he closed his door.  
  
Ein was standing and watching, with those curious little puppy eyes.  
  
"Wait, you all were listening in on us?!?!" Vicious yelled out loud.  
  
"Ah ha! Now you admit it! Come to think of it.......ewwwwwwww!" Spike yelled, still crying like a 4-year old who just peed in his pants.  
  
Vicious takes out his katana, about to slash Spike, but he was rolling around on the floor crying like an idiot and distracted him.  
  
Vicious shook his head and focused very hard, he raised the katana high above his head and struck down as fast and strong as he could.........  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED.........................  
  
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! Wonder why I stopped right there?!? I got writers' block!! What a pity........:(  
  
Wanna know what happens? I don't even know myself! I can't think of a single thing......so I had to end this with another cliffhanger. If you have any suggestions for the next chapter, please type it in your review! ^_- 


	3. The End?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.  
  
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Faye's New Secret Part III  
  
  
  
  
  
*CLANK!!*  
  
Bits of hair were flying around. Curly black hair. Vicious's katana partially went through the metal floor. But it also went through something else......  
  
"MY HAIR!!" Spike yelled. He kicked Vicious onto the floor.  
  
"HAHAHAHA!!!" Vicious was laughing and pointing at him. The pain in his back didn't really matter to him, it was Spike's odd hair that did. It had quite a big whole in the center.  
  
Holding his hair down so no one would notice, he ran to his gun and picked it up.  
  
"Now it is time to pay for all the horrible things you've done!" Spike exclaimed. Vicious was still laughing on the floor.  
  
"I guess you won't care that you'll get shot. Oh well!" He aimed and was about to pull the trigger when.....  
  
"NOO!!" Faye yelled. Vicious stopped laughing and the stern look returned to his face.  
  
"I WON'T LET YOU KILL HIM!!!" Faye was on her knees with her arms stretched out, blocking Spike's view of Vicious. Spike was puzzled.  
  
"Faye, he tried to kill me! And he almost succeeded too!" Spike tried to shoo her away by gesturing his gun.  
  
"NOO!! I LOVE HIM!!" Faye screamed.  
  
"GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!" Spike yelled back.  
  
"NO! I CAN'T LET YOU DO THAT!" Tear's were rolling down her eyes, which were wide and child-like. He could see the sensitive side of Faye now. He thought of Julia again and how Vicious plotted to kill him many, many times before.  
  
Spike smirked, and the humorous teasingness of himself went back. His rage disappeared.  
  
"I could see down your shirt." He almost laughed at that.  
  
The tears went away, and the devilish Faye came back.  
  
"HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH THINGS AT A TIME LIKE THIS!!!" She screamed. Faye deperately wanted to get up and slap him.  
  
"WATCH OUT!!" Spike yelled.  
  
*BANG!!*  
  
"AAAHHHHHH!! MY ARM MY ARM!!" Vicious yelled. His arm was bleeding, a lot.  
  
"Hey, I thought you had black blood!!" Spike thought of him as an extremely evil person.  
  
"I'm just as mortal as everyone here!" Vicious said between his cries of pain. Faye growled at Spike in a mean way. Vicious stood up holding his arm, glaring at him. Spike glared back.  
  
*POW!!*  
  
Spike punched Vicious' arm.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? I'M ALREADY WOUNDED THERE!!" Vicious wimpered because of the extra pain.  
  
"I thought you were evil! You're supposed to have black blood! I was just checking.......just in case...." Spike sweatdropped, scratching the back of his neck, still holding his gun. His other hand was still on his head covering the hair.  
  
More blood was dripping from Vicious' arm. Spike was still scratching the back of his neck, but then again realized that his archenemy Vicious was aboard his home. He then raised his gun at Vicious' face and the serious look came back on his face.  
  
"GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE AND NEVER COME BACK!!!" Spike yelled.  
  
Vicious grinned at Faye, she grinned back.  
  
"Not even for Faye?" Vicious said, trying to make puppy eyes.  
  
"NO!! NO MORE SEX ON MY SHIP!!!" Spike cringed saying that sentence.  
  
Faye walked seductively to Spike, looking like she wanted something.  
  
"Aww, please let Vicious come on the ship....pretty please?" She put an arm around his waist and with her finger started drawing on his chest. She puckered up her lips.  
  
"Pwease??? Pwetty pwetty please???" She said seductively again. She turned around and winked at Vicious, who looked jealous. But then he realized she was trying to persuade Spike.  
  
Spike blushed and was about to scream when....  
  
"NO!! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!!!" He aimed his gun again, pushing Faye away.  
  
*BANG!!*  
  
"AHH!" Vicious almost whimpered, squeezing his leg because of the pain.  
  
"NOO!!" Faye ran to Vicious and hugged him, trying to comfort the pain away.  
  
"I told you to get out! Before I shoot you again!!" Spike exclaimed.  
  
Vicious twitched, and gave a him a mean look in the eye. Faye was sobbing.  
  
*BANG!!*  
  
The bullet landed on the floor right next to Vicious' thigh. Faye sobbed louder.  
  
Spike turned around, his back facing the couple.  
  
"I'll let you go this time, but definitely not the next time." Spike said quietly.  
  
Faye's eyes glittered.  
  
"LEAVE NOW!" Spike roared.  
  
Faye and Vicious kissed passionately, then Vicious walked out the door. Faye's sobbing calmed down. Spike was still standing with his back towards her, no expression on his face at all.  
  
Faye got up.  
  
"Thank you....." Her eyes were very wide and she started sobbing again and ran for her room. The door shut with an extremely loud slam. Spike looked down in sadness, missing Julia again. He put his gun down and put his hands in his pockets. He walked away.  
  
  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED....................  
  
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Hahaha.......what a great chapter....I think! Expect the next one to come soon! ^_- 


	4. The Wedding Bells are Ringing..............

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.  
  
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Faye's New Secret Part IV  
  
  
  
  
  
Spike was in the control room of the Bebop, looking out the window. Staring out into nothing but space, stars, and the surface of a moon. It was an endless universe, and it always made Spike feel more comfortable just staring at it. It seemed like weeks while he was standing there, but was actually an hour so far. He never moved an inch the whole time.  
  
"So, where's Vicious?" Jet asked, coming in. Spike didn't answer.  
  
"Don't tell me you let him stay here with Faye?!" Jet said.  
  
"No, I didn't, as a matter of fact." Spike still didn't move.  
  
"So, now what?" Jet asked.  
  
"I let him go, but a few bullet holes first." He smirked.  
  
"Haha, good goin'." Jet chuckled.  
  
"What's with your hair?" Jet started laughing even more.  
  
"Arghh...Vicious......." Spike turned red and put his hand on his head again.  
  
"It's ok...I'll try not to laugh....." Jet tried to shut his mouth up desperately, he didn't want to piss of Spike at a time like this.  
  
Spike turned around and walked out of the room.  
  
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Faye was sitting down on the floor while leaning on the door, still crying. She wondered what to do about Vicious, he didn't even tell her his address or phone number or anything. She cried for what seemed like hours, then heard footsteps coming down the hallway. She figured it was Spike, because how could he go back to sleep after what had happened earlier?  
  
She got up and pulled the door open.  
  
*SLAP!!*  
  
"OW!! What did you do that for?" Spike exclaimed, rubbing his face.  
  
"CUZ YOU LOOKED DOWN MY SHIRT!!!!" Faye raged.  
  
"I thought you wanted me to." Spike said.  
  
"OH FUCK YOU!!" Faye turned beet red and slammed the door in Spike's face.  
  
"Ow...didn't have to hurt my face again...." He continued walking to who knows where. He wanted to ask Faye how she met Vicious, but of course he ruined the chance of knowing that even more.  
  
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Ed got up slowly, and fell back down again.  
  
"Why were there bang bang sounds, Ein?!" She was turning her head around dizzily.  
  
Ein barked.  
  
"And who is Mr. Freaky-scary-guy-who-looks-like-grandpa?!" Ed lifted her head up, then let it fall back down. She drifted off to sleep. But then a few minutes later started snoring.  
  
Ein waddled away.  
  
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Spike went back into his room to change, it was already morning. And used up almost an entire bottle of hairspray keeping his hair down. He went to the garage lighting a cigarette then flew down onto Mars to get a few drinks.  
  
Sitting down on a stool in front the bar tender, he ordered some whiskey. He sighed as he took the first sip, and wondered if Vicious was outside, looking for him......to kill him of course. He also thought if the time of his death........was coming soon.  
  
****  
  
Two hours later, and damn was Spike drunk. He was so depressed and thought that the more drinks he drunk, the more forgetful he'd get about the incident hours ago. Well, he was right....kinda. Spike stood up, holding his stomach because he suddenly had to go to the bathroom.  
  
****  
  
He came out, very dizzy.  
  
"Ulghhhh.........I feel like shit........." Spike was crouching and holding his head, trying to focus. Everyone in the bar was staring at him.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKIN' AT?!?!!!!" Spike yelled.  
  
"Oww....." His head hurt from the sudden rage.  
  
He dizzily walked, or at least tried to, to his ship.  
  
"Alghhh...." Spike leaned back on the chair, slouching. He was so drunk and messed up he passed out.  
  
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"ARRRRGHHHHHHH ED!!! I DON'T NEED ANY HELP COOKING!!!!" Jet screamed. Ed danced out of the kitchen along with Ein barking worriedly.  
  
"Ed want to help Mr. Baldy cook cook for Bebop Bebop!!!" Ed sang.  
  
*CLANK!!*  
  
*CLANK!!*  
  
Jet threw pots at her but missed and hit the metal wall.  
  
"STAY OUT!!!!" Jet screamed again. You could smell smoke coming from the kitchen. Ed danced like a lunatic down the stairs in the living room.  
  
Spike was sitting down on the couch smoking.  
  
*BOOM!!*  
  
The door slammed open, sending dust from the wall it hit. Tremendous laughing came after. Spike turned around with a jolt. His eyes opened wide and clear.  
  
Vicious was carrying Faye through the door, they were both laughing loudly and heartily. Faye had been gone for a week without telling Spike or Jet. And here she was, in his worst enemy's arms, laughing.  
  
"I TOLD YOU TO STAY OUT!!" Spike yelled. They ignored him. Jet ran out of the kitchen, alarmed.  
  
"What's going on??" His eyes opened wide too at the sight in front of him. Spike stood up, about to take out his gun.  
  
"RELAX! No need for violence!" Vicious exclaimed, still laughing.  
  
"YES! No need for guns!" Faye agreed.  
  
"HUH?!" Spike was extremely confused.  
  
Vicious put Faye down and got on his knee, holding out a ring. Faye gasped.  
  
"My beloved Faye, will you marry me?" His eyes were sincere, totally not homicida like he usually wasl. Faye started crying.  
  
"Oh...oh.....YES!! YES!!" She screamed behind the tears. They hugged. And started to go further......  
  
Spike was going to say something, and was too confused that the cigarette in his mouth got loose and went into his throat. He started choking.  
  
Jet's prosthetic arm twitched.  
  
"ALGH! ALGH ALGH!!" Spike was grasping his neck, turning blue. Jet stood, eyes still wide open and his arm started to get staticky, he didn't notice.  
  
"ALGGHHH!!" Spike choked, but Vicious and Faye continued their business.  
  
"Huh? ED TO THE RESCUE!!!!" Ed ran to Spike.  
  
*POW!!*  
  
She punched him in the stomach, the cigarette flew out in front of Ein. The dog barked angrily and moved away from it.  
  
"WOOHOO!! Ed saved Spike-person!! Yippee!!" She continued dancing around the living room. Spike put one hand on the top of the couch to support him and the other clutching his stomach, trying to breathe correctly.  
  
"Ma..marr....ied???" Jet muttered, his arm getting worse. Spike stood up straight, and at last Faye and Vicious stopped what they were doing and stood up too.  
  
"Yo-you're ge-getting ma-marr-married?!" Spike asked, blinking.  
  
"YES!" Faye kissed Vicious on the cheek. He smiled.  
  
"MARRIED?!?!!!" Jet blinked, and an angry look came onto his face.  
  
"WEDDING WEDDING WEDDING!!!" Ed danced.  
  
"Ok.....BUT NO CHILDREN ON MY SHIP!!!" Jet yelled. Spike was still blinking, dumbstruck.  
  
****  
  
One week later, while Faye was in the living room planning stuff for the wedding. Who knows where Vicious was. She seemed to be writing or drawing something very rapidly with her pencil. Ein was watching her curiously.  
  
Faye was done, and looked up.  
  
"Oh, hello Ein!!" She was so happy and actually smiled at the dog, and hugged the papers, so full of joy. Ein was confused.  
  
"OH I'M SO HAPPY!!!" Faye exclaimed. Ein whimpered, and slowly moved away. Jet came in, Faye still acting all jolly.  
  
"Faye, have you seen Spike around?" Jet asked, a little confused because he never really saw her so happy.  
  
"Oh who cares!! I'm getting married!!" Faye smiled wider. Jet sighed and went to his bonsai room. The door opened with a loud slam.  
  
"HONEY I'M HOME!!!" Vicious called. Faye turned around and her eyes glittered. She ran up to him, they were hugging.  
  
=======================================================================  
  
"Ed, have you seen Spike anywhere?" Jet asked Ed. She was hanging on an overhead pipe like a monkey.  
  
"Ed hasn't seen Spike-Spike in days!! Ook ook!!" She started scratching herself like a monkey. Jet sighed. 'Where IS that man?' He thought. He needed to tell him to go buy some supplies for the ship, since he was too busy fixing up the Bebop. 'How stupid of me! His room!' Jet hit his head, and started walking towards Spike's room.  
  
"Spike, you in there?" Jet asked, knocking on the door. No answer.  
  
"Spike!!" Jet knocked again, still no answer. Then he heard the ruffling of sheets. 'Oh no, I hope it isn't what I think it is.....' Jet sweatdropped.  
  
"Spike! Hey, it's me, Jet!" He knocked again. He could hear bed springs through the door.  
  
"That's it, I'm coming in." Jet was extremely nervous, and tried not to get bad images in his head. He opened the door.  
  
"JEEZ! Can I EVER get any sleep?!?!" Spike complained, his head underneath the pillow. He was trying to sleep. 'Thank God he's the only one in here.....' Jet felt more relaxed.  
  
"Aren't you hungry? You've been in here for days." Jet said. Spike covered the pillow over his head with the blanket. He grunted.  
  
"Why haven't you come out?" Jet asked. Spike grunted again.  
  
"Come on, what's wrong?" Jet sighed. No answer.  
  
"What's the matter with you???" Still no answer.  
  
"WHAT IS IT??!!" Jet exclaimed, he pounded the pillow. Finally, Spike turned around and took the pillow off his head along with the blanket, rubbing his head.  
  
Jet's eyes opened wide and sweatdropped again. Spike's eyes were bright red, tired looking, and indeed scary.  
  
"You think I can sleep with those two doin' it all night?!?!" Spike said tiredly. Jet was a little scared at his weary red eyes.  
  
"Umm, no..." Jet scratched the back of his head.  
  
"You can??? Look at me! I look like Vicious on steroids!" Spike buried his face in the pillow.  
  
"I know, but someone's gotta take care of the ship. Come to think of it, I'm very tired also....Well, good luck trying to sleep." Jet walked out.  
  
Spike yawned at the sound of silence.  
  
*BOOM!!*  
  
His eyes opened again in a split second.  
  
"GOOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING!!!!!!" Ed yodeled. She had slammed the door open, sending dust flying from the wall.  
  
"Oooooooh! Spike-Spike don't look too good! What's wrong?! Maybe Ed can help!!!" Ed danced around in the room. Spike was extremely annoyed. It had been almost three days he hadn't slept peacefully.  
  
"Arggghhhh GET OUT!!" He threw a shoe at her, then a clock.  
  
"Uh oh! Ed should go bye-bye!" She danced away, slamming the door again. Spike covered his head with the pillow again.  
  
=======================================================================  
  
Next chapter coming soon.......probably the last.......hahahaha....... the ending..................not what you expected........ :p 


	5. Baby Blues

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.  
  
Ok, so here it is! What all of you bastards have been waiting for! (just kidding! chill!) THE FINAL CHAPTER of Faye's New Secret!!! Enjoy.....I think. ^_-  
  
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Faye's New Secret Part V: A New Life, or Will There even Be One??  
  
  
  
  
  
*long yawn*  
  
"When is this fucking ceremony over? Sometimes I wonder how fucked up I could be....actually coming to FAYE'S wedding..." Spike complained, his eyes half closed and arms crossed and not paying attention to all the happy people waiting for the ceremony to begin.  
  
Just when he was drifting into nice sleep, he felt wet flowers falling on him. He woke up immediately.  
  
"FLOWERS FLOWER FLOWERS!!! PRETTY FLOWERS EVERYWHEREEEEE!!!!!" Ed sang and threw flowers around, she was the flower girl. And oddly enough, was wearing a big puffy, frilly, white dress. Jet was Vicious' best man, even more oddly enough. Spike rejected (although he [i]was[/i] rejected by Vicious anyway) the part, since, well, why would he??  
  
Vicious was smiling, no beaming, at the front of the chapel, waiting for his bride to come.  
  
'Wait a minute, VICIOUS? BEAMING?' Spike thought, and wondered if Vicious was high on crack or cocaine or white-out, which was probably how he kept his hair so white.  
  
The organ player started to play louder and more joyful music. Then Faye came in, wearing a luxurious white wedding gown with a train about 10 feet long. The dress sparkled like diamonds in the sun. She too was also beaming. She seemed to notice the number of people who were there, which was quite a lot, despite being the fact that about 95% of them she didn't even know or remember. She looked around and smiled at everyone, but overlooked Spike, who was sitting in the far row in the back. He didn't even care anyway.  
  
She walked with ever-loving grace down the aisle, which he didn't give a damn about either, and put his hands on the back of his head and started to daydream about his and Julia's wedding.  
  
When Faye finished her "walk of glory", Jet walked up to another platform to make his speech wishing Faye and Vicious the best of luck in the future.  
  
Tears coming out of his eyes but smiling, Jet said:  
  
"I wish you two the best, and I [i]mean[/i] the best, of luck to you both,"  
  
*sob*  
  
"Be the most rich and prosperous couple in the universe,"  
  
*sob*  
  
"And last but not least,"  
  
*sob*  
  
"Have the most, and most beautiful children ever to be born in the history of children!"  
  
*sobs then blows his nose real loudly in a hankerchief he takes out of his pocket but doesn't notice that he's standing right in front of a microphone*  
  
"Oh pu-lease Jet! I thought you were a bigger man than that! What kind of bounty hunter would cry his eyes out and make a fool of himself at a whore's wedding!" Spike rolled his eyes and continued daydreaming.  
  
Seconds later Ein walked out of the door, balancing a pillow on top of his head with a diamond ring on it. He was wearing a little bow tie on his neck and waddled his way to Vicious and Faye.  
  
"Mr. Vicious, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The minister said to Vicious.  
  
"Yes!" Vicious exclaimed. Faye started crying.  
  
"And Miss Valentine, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The minister said to Faye.  
  
"Yes! Yes I do!" Faye cried even louder, still beaming though. Vicious took the ring from the pillow and thanked Ein with a smile. He took Faye's hand in his and gently put the ring on her finger.  
  
"I now pronounce you, husband and wife!" The minister exclaimed, and they both kissed with all the happiness one could ever express. Spike stuck out his tongue and pointed with his pointer finger and said,  
  
"Algh algh ewww!! Boooo!!!" People in front of him turned around and glared at him.  
  
"Hey! Mind your own fucking business!" Spike exclaimed, and they turned back around.  
  
Jet sobbed even louder and cry-babier, Ed danced around the new married couple like a maniac who's imitating a supposedly normal flowergirl, and Ein barked happily.  
  
=======================================================================  
  
Two weeks later and Spike was back in his bed, eyes redder than tomato sauce (if there is anything redder than tomato sauce) tossing and turning, and covered his head with the pillow, trying to get some good old shut- eye....which he'll never get if Faye and Vicious ever go away. The screams and moans just would NEVER stop, they continued night after night after night after night after night after night....  
  
Just when he'd had enough he stomped out of his bedroom, stomped to the workshop, took out his trusty torch, and stomped back to the hall of bedrooms.  
  
Trying to ignore the discomforting cries he flicked the switch on, and yelled:  
  
"I'M GONNA BURN THEIR FUCKING HEADS OFF TIL THEY TURN INTO FLAMES EVEN WORSE THAN SATAN'S!!!!!!!" And was about to burn the door down when....  
  
"NOOO!!! DON'T!!!" Jet tackled him down onto the floor, Ed and Ein following, and wrestled him, trying to get the torch away from his now murderous hands.  
  
*whoosh!*  
  
The flame missed Jet's bald head by merely an inch.  
  
*whoosh!*  
  
Again it missed him by inches.  
  
"Why are you stopping me??!!! It'll be good for me and you and the whole goddamn world!" Spike yelled, trying to get Jet off of him and maintain the torch.  
  
"They've just married! The candle will eventually burn down and they'll stop the noise!!!" Jet yelled back. Ed and Ein watched in horror.  
  
"NO THEY WON'T!"  
  
"YES THEY WILL!"  
  
"NO THEY WON'T!"  
  
"YES THEY WILL!"  
  
"NO THEY WON'T!"  
  
"YES THEY WILL!"  
  
"NO THEY WON'T!!!!!!!!!" Spike yelled as loud as he could, but that didn't make a difference to the noise Faye and Vicious were making.  
  
"YES THEY WILL!!!!!!!!!!!" Jet yelled, punched Spike in the face, and grabbed the torch from him and switched it off.  
  
"Now you either go back to bed or leave the ship!" Jet scolded, Spike still on the floor, covering his nose. There was blood dripping through his fingers. His eyes were wide open, almost with fear.  
  
Jet walked away with the torch, probably to hide it somewhere or maybe even dump it in space. Anything to get it away from Spike now that he was starting to get desperate.  
  
****  
  
Spike sat there covering his nose, needless of the noise and blood. Ed and Ein were staring at him with shock. Ed blinked and started dancing on the spot.  
  
"Oooooooohhhhh!!! Spikey's turned into a murderous old hag who's never been married or had a girlfriend!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
"OH YES I DO HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!!" He stood up, whacked Ed as hard as he could with the back of his arm and stomped toward his bedroom, blood dripping onto the floor.  
  
"OWWWWW!!!!!!!! OWWWWWWW!!!!!!! OWWWWW!!!!!!! JET JET!!! JET JET!!!!! SPIKE SPIKE HURT ME!!!! WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Ed was on the floor rolling back and forth, hugging herself because of the whack that knocked her onto the floor. Ein started barking panickedly and ran in the direction Jet went.  
  
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Two days later, while Spike was sitting on the couch drinking a can of beer and watching TV with Jet sitting on the opposite chair trimming a bonsai also drinking a can of beer, Ed typing frantically on her computer and Ein snoozing peacefully.  
  
Faye walked in with Vicious. He had his arm around her shoulders. She cleared her throat loudly so everyone could hear. They didn't look up from what they were doing. She cleared her throat again. Again they didn't look up.  
  
"HEY LISTEN UP!!!!" She screamed. Everyone looked up with a jolt.  
  
"We have something to announce!" Vicious exclaimed with a smile.  
  
"Like I give a damn...." Spike muttered.  
  
"What what does Faye Faye and grandpa have to say??" Ed asked. Jet just looked at them with curiousity.  
  
"I'M PREGNANT!!!!" Faye exclaimed with the most joyous exclamation anyone had ever heard.  
  
*spray*  
  
Spike and Jet spat their drinks out in astonishment.  
  
"WH-WHAT????!!!!!" They both yelled at the same time.  
  
"PREGNANT????" Spike stood up, blinking.  
  
"OH I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!" Jet ran up to them and gave them a bear hug.  
  
"BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY BABY!!!!!!" Ed danced and cartwheeled around. Ein was barking at Spike, trying to make him move.  
  
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Well the months went by, everyone went baby-supply shopping, talking about the baby, Jet was starting to scare Spike and Ed, Ein slept more often, everyone going ga ga over the upcoming time of "joy", and Spike getting more annoyed.  
  
Astonishingly, Faye started to wear a short dress.  
  
****  
  
"Oh isn't this adorable?!!" Faye held up a bib with a puppy on it. Ein wimpered.  
  
"Oh yes it is honey!!" Vicious said, and hugged Faye.  
  
"Ok! Let's go to the next aisle and get some baby bottles!" Faye and Vicious walked towards the next aisle arm-in-arm. Jet was exhausted, the shopping cart was loaded with stuff, towering over 3 feet tall. He sighed.  
  
"Ed? Ed? Where are you?" He looked around puzzledly.  
  
"LOOKIE!! ED IS A BABY!!!!" Ed had a bonnet on and a pacifier in her mouth, leaping like a frog around the department store.  
  
*crash!!*  
  
A shelf of toys collapsed, sending toys falling all over the place.  
  
"WOOF WOOF!!" Ein tried to run away, but a red beach bucket fell on top of him with a couple of other toys.  
  
"WOO HOO!!!!! IT'S RAINING TOYS!!!" Ed ran around and around in the shower of toys.  
  
"What an embarassment...." Jet sighed again and went to help Ein.  
  
=======================================================================  
  
*big puff of smoke*  
  
"When are they fucking gonna get home so I can get some dinner???" Spike was sitting on the couch - legs crossed on the table and arms spread out on the top of the sofa, and of course a cigarette in his mouth.  
  
*boom!*  
  
"WE'RE HOME!!!!!!!" The door slammed open and Ed pounced off the platform and landed on Spike's legs, still wearing the bonnet and pacifier.  
  
"OWW!!! GET THE HELL OFF!!!" He folded his legs back and tried to rub the pain away.  
  
"Look at the cool stuff we got Spikey!!!" Faye skipped down the steps, and patted his hair.  
  
'What the hell was that??' He wondered  
  
"Have a nice time watching the ship?" Jet asked, and poured a giant bag of baby stuff onto the table, some falling off. Faye and Vicious sat down on both sides of the sofa, leaving Spike in the middle.  
  
"No."  
  
Ed started to "swim" in the pile of supplies.  
  
"Weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!" She flapped her arms like an exotic swimmer, sending stuff into the air. Spike got up and was about to open the front door.  
  
"OWWW WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! MY STOMACH HURTS!!!!!!" Faye screamed an ear splitting screech.  
  
Ed froze in the middle of her swimming. Ein stuck his head up from napping, alarmed. Vicious and Spike covered their ears.  
  
"OWWWWWW IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!" Faye screamed again. Everyone continued to cover their ears.  
  
Jet ran out of the kitchen holding a pan, with an apron on.  
  
"Wh-what's going on?????" He asked.  
  
"I THINK MY WATER BROKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Faye screamed another ear splitting screech.  
  
"What do you mean??? There's plenty of water bottles in the kitchen! Nothing to worry about!!" Vicious said. Spike thought:  
  
'Dumbass!'  
  
"OH!! WE GOTTA GET HER TO THE HOSPITAL!!!!" Jet yelled, and all three ran towards the door at lightning speed. Ed carthwheeled after them and Ein running too, trying to catch up.  
  
Spike was about to walk out the door when everyone ran through the door, trampling him to the ground. They flew away in the Hammerhead in seconds. He stood his head up with his elbow on the floor and his hand keeping it up. His other hand drumming on the floor.  
  
"Why can't I just die and go to hell...." He muttered, and stood up to go see if the baby was really coming, but heard another wild scream from Faye's agony.  
  
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[align=center]QUADRUPLETS!![/align]  
  
  
  
  
  
The word just kept repeating itself in his head over and over and over for what seemed like eternity.  
  
Years had passed and now they were toddlers, and Spike was going [i]insane[/i]. Toys everywhere, screaming children (including Ed), rumbling feet running around, food and drinks spilled, it was absolute HELL.  
  
"Isn't it about time you move out with your new family, Faye?" Spike asked her while she was putting a band-aid on Adrian's arm.  
  
"NO!" She said happily with a smile.  
  
"HOWCOME?"  
  
"Because, it's much fun for everyone!"  
  
"NO IT'S NOT!"  
  
"Hey, don't talk to my wife like that!" Vicious came in, and put his hands on Faye's shoulders.  
  
"Yes I can! You're not my boss!"  
  
"Oh YEAH? Well let's duke it out and see who's the real man once and for all!" Vicious took out his katana. Spike took out his gun. They were glaring at each other. Adrian started crying and her siblings stopped running around, dropped their toys, and started crying too.  
  
"HEY YOU TWO STOP THAT NOW!!!!" Faye yelled, spread out her arms, separating them so they won't start a fight.  
  
"It's not my fault Spike's become an old hag and won't leave and start his own family!" Vicious said.  
  
"HEY! If you didn't make Julia go away I would've already started one!"  
  
"She was nothing but a coward!" Vicious said.  
  
"No she isn't!"  
  
"Yes she is!"  
  
"Well at least I wouldn't marry a WHORE!" Spike spat. Faye gasped, got out of her seat, and....  
  
*slap!*  
  
"How DARE you call me that! Don't you know there are children around??" She yelled at him. Spike grinned and his anger went away.  
  
"Well, it [i]is[/i] the truth." He laughed.  
  
*pow!*  
  
Vicious punched him in the face. And all he could see now was stars, then blacked out.  
  
****  
  
"Will you move! I can't see the TV!" Spike complained to Stephie.  
  
"But me playing dolly with it!!" Stephie stuck out her tongue at him.  
  
"Raaaaaaaowwwwwwwww!!!!!" Tommy was running around playing with his toy airplane. He threw it.  
  
"Ooooohhh cool!!!!!" He jumped up and down.  
  
"OOWWW!!! Watch it!" Spike rubbed his head and threw the airplane back at the kid.  
  
"OWW MOMMY HE HURT ME!!!!" Tommy ran to the hallway looking for Faye.  
  
"Haha, asshole." Spike laughed.  
  
*gasp*  
  
"Daddy! He just used potty language!! Bad word bad word!!" Tori's mouth hung open and was pointing at Spike. He ran away in the direction Tommy went.  
  
*crash!*  
  
"Uh oh...TV go boom!" Ed yelled, and was hopping like a frog around the living room.  
  
"Stephie did it!!" Adrian pointed to Stephie.  
  
"No I didn't!" Stephie yelled at Adrian.  
  
"Yes you did!"  
  
"No I didn't!"  
  
"Yes you did!"  
  
"No I didn't!"  
  
"Yes you did!"  
  
"No I didn't!"  
  
"YES YOU DID!!!!!!!!!" Adrian screamed. Stephie started crying and slammed her doll on the floor.  
  
"Hahahahahaha!" Adrian exclaimed.  
  
"Well, well...I'm the prettier one!" Stephie said.  
  
"No I am!" Adrian said, fluffing her hair and put her hand on her side.  
  
"No! I am!" Stephie said, and went up to Spike and hugged him.  
  
"See! I got meself a husband!" And started to hug him tighter.  
  
"No! He's mine!!" Adrian ran up to him and hugged him too.  
  
"No mine!"  
  
"Mine!!"  
  
"Mine!!"  
  
"Mine!!"  
  
"MINE!!!!!!"  
  
"MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
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Spike woke up with a jolt. He was drenched with sweat. When his eyes focused, he was extremely glad not to see children running around or toys flying all over. But except saw the controls of the Swordfish.  
  
"It was just a dream......" He put his hands on his face, trying to regain his senses.  
  
"Just a dream....." He put the key in the ignition, putting the dream away in the back of his head. But then he thought again, 'could it really happen???'  
  
  
  
  
  
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Doo do doo do doo do doo doo......see you next time........in the Twilight Zone!!  
  
Doo do doo do doo do doo do doo do doo do doo do doo...............  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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*wipes sweat off forehead with back of hand* Whew! Now that took a long time to write! 


End file.
